ADHD in the Rat Race for Organization
Organize, organize. How can an adult with ADHD or attention deficit hyperactivity disorder ADHD find meaning in daily life amid uncertainty (anxiety, stress, and inattention)?
Burnt out, frazzled, the battle is on. This time I’m at the leading edge of what may call the rat race, cranked up a couple of levels. The Boyfriend isn’t aware of my attention deficit disorder (buy Adderall pills). However, I’m sure the boy suspects it. I’m a sixth sense person among the benefits of this condition. He is aware that my new job is making me crazy and that I’m driving around in a closed-door environment.
The best part is that I get to spend a large portion of my working time in a satellite office that is a bit away from the Mothership, which is a blessing in disguise, as the employees and boss are protected from the pressure, the anxiety and the ever-growing pile of documents. How do I manage and organize things during times of uncertainty?
Again, the hunt to find that Holy Grail of organizers continues. I’m caught in the middle of my “to do” list on paper, Excel, Outlook, and the weekly and monthly Day Runners. I’ve already collected a stack of notebooks and Notes from napkins and Post-its. My tech-savvy friends continue to instill the idea of an iPhone or iTouch to me; however, since I’m not a fan of instructional guides, I’m afraid I’ll purchase the device and be an unintentional paperweight.
The Boyfriend and his plethora of friends believe that the boss is the reason for the tension. They are unaware that he’s just one of the factors which is a constant battle to remain with the rest of the group. There is no day without me blaming the hiccups and kinks on buying Adderall pills.
The Boyfriend visited over the weekend. As an ophthalmologist, his life is the rat race
too. On-call, off-call rounds: It’s my first language; however, what else can I do except to take it in. It is difficult enough to handle, not to mention that I’ve once again fallen for a beautiful man who isn’t in the same town as me. Most likely, we meet every week for a few hours. The daily struggles, joys, and tribulations are shared via text and, sometimes, by phone. It is difficult for me to accept that at the end of a tiring day, I can return home to an empty house overlooking the magnificent city and am soothed with a bottle of half-empty wine.
The gap and insecurity of the relationship leave me clinging to the wall of steel, which I am sticking to. I refuse to surrender all of me. Some secrets remain a secret. I sift the tiny collection of pill and vitamin bottles into a cabinet when guests come to the home. The real reason for this is because I’m in awe of the buy Adderall pills that I feel have passed their expiration date. Not only have I relapsed from daydreaming and daydreaming, but I am also unsure if the ADHD medication is at the root of my irritability and moodiness.
The only thing I’ve had has been a pen or paper. I’ve resorted to writing down conversations in a notebook and referring to dates and names to ensure that I won’t be accused of not being attentive. With the demands of my new job, my daily life has fallen to the wayside, and I’ve resorted to outsourcing. The entourage includes the housekeeper with a salary of $65; laundry costs $8, and the food service, which offers delivery from door to door for $56.
It is also the expense of replacing items lost like the umbrella, lipstick, or pen. I think I sweat and beat myself up for the things I think are silly. They are not reversible or repairable, But what about losing track of all those email messages during work hours or forgetting to meet some of the upcoming deadlines. I am afraid that the day will come when the boss and team members look at the piles and piles of rubbish and wonder what went wrong, which is the same for The Boyfriend.
At present, I am secure on the anonymous island and a space where I can struggle with the notebooks and organizers, as well as the guilt and shame on my shoulders. It’s a lonely struggle indeed.
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